A Reality Check

I was looking forward to seeing you all week,

Your presence was all my heart would seek.

And as soon as I saw you my heart skipped a beat,

“This girl is so special” I just wanted to tweet.

 

I sat across you and we got talking,

Your pleasant presence always so warming.

And slowly with time everyone else came along,

And you felt as distant to me as Hong Kong.

 

And with time only my insecurity grew,

When your attention was dividend amongst a select few.

In that moment I lost all my hope and belief,

And slowly I started sinking in my own grief.

 

It was too much for me and I wanted to leave,

The second I saw you touch his hand like you once did with me.

I know I’m overthinking and there was never anything between us,

But I simply cannot let it go without making a fuss.

 

Its pathetic to think this way and I know I am wrong,

And I know to me you don’t belong.

A part of me wished I hadn’t come all along,

Save myself the torture and try to be strong.

 

But who am I kidding its you we’re talking about,

A smile from you can simply wipe me out.

I don’t know what to do of all the things I am capable,

But I want to make sure I don’t make you uncomfortable.

 

This feeling is temporary and I know it won’t stay for long,

When I wake up tomorrow only you I’ll want.

I’ll keep fighting and I’ll always hope for a miracle,

But you probably won’t ever see my struggle.

 

The fight is going to be more within me,

Make sure this insecurity doesn’t get the better of me.

My impulses are raging and I want to act out,

Got to keep them in check to avoid a lashing out.

 

Writing about this I feel so stupid,

As stupid as when I got you those gifts.

So many questions I have inside me,

And someday I hope they just help make a “we”.

 

-The Travellothoner