Life

Moving On

I have thought this and said it out loud atleast a thousand times,

“My lack of ability to move on is going to be my doom”.

I don’t mean ‘moving on’ only in the context of a breakup or a heartbreak. I mean it in a much broader sense. Like my inability to move on from an incomplete task when something more important shows up at my table; or my inability to forget a pending task because I had to do something else.

Somehow, that incomplete task keeps living in my brain, hounding me until I deal with it. 

Let’s get to the romantic side first :

There’s this girl that I really like and care about, in a romantic way and otherwise. I am almost 100% certain that nobody understands her the way I do and there’s nobody who’s going to mesh with her better personality better or who’s going to be as good for her as me. But somehow things didn’t work out on the romantic side and it was soon very clear that we weren’t going to end up together.

But this is the kind of person I wanted in my life, since she added a lot of value and brought along a lot of laughs with her and more than anything, her presence made me really happy. My heart always tells me to be supportive and not let my petty feelings of insecurity get in the way of a nice relationship. 

Here’s the thing though :

I wish well for this person and want nothing but the best for her and if someone else makes her happy, then so be it. But how do you move on/detach yourself from this situation? I have always been that guy who’s either 100% all in or not in it at all, there’s no in-between. I LOVE the banter we share and how we’re there for each other but I also cannot stop spiralling when she’s going out with someone else (platonically even). And that’s just one thing. 

Now The Professional Side

I have been somewhat unfortunate with my academics so far. I have an exam left to clear before I get my degree and I’ve taken a lot more time than necessary in doing it. Simultaneously, having focused all my energy on studying and clearing these exams, meant delaying my career for the longest time. Somewhere in between, it even dawned on me that this is not what I really want to do in life. 

This degree is nothing but a big value addition to my resume, which adds more credibility to my name irrespective of what I do in the future. It is a certification that involuntarily states that I am a smart guy and allows me to do things without raising a lot of questions. But, it also been my biggest shield to hide behind. 

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In a world with a million job and career opportunities, simply knowing things that I don’t want to do is not good enough. Apart from the fact that I’d never be able to live it down if I quit the degree, there’s the fact that I have no idea what I want to do ahead.

So yeah, I stand here doing a simple job that’s not doing justice to my capabilities, while simultaneously focusing on completing my degree and not doing a good job with either of those things. If only, I had the guts to quit and move on without remorse. Things would’ve been easier and life a lot better!

Here’s the funny part though; The Professional side doesn’t really matter. I am not worried about my job and making money because I know I’ll do something decent with my life eventually (and this is also my privilege talking). It’s always the emotional part that pulls me down. What good is anything if you don’t have someone to share it with?

So yeah, if only I learn to move on and avoid a certain doom for myself!

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40 comments

  1. I was married for almost twenty years. My ex used to occasionally ask if I had “feelings” for some woman friend or another. Of course I didn’t, and would be respectful and reassuring. But I was used to being friends with women because I grew up with two sisters who I was and am friends with. There’s a benefit to having a diversity of friends, in my opinion. As we continued, we’d been going through a few rough years in business. I noticed she was giving smiles to a guy, a friend, the kind of smiles she used to share with me when we first met. I struggled. I asked her about it. She never answered. I still don’t know anything about it. But I don’t care. She left me within a year. These days, as much as I want a relationship, I will appreciate friendships until I find someone who really wants to spend time with me. Yes. I get the jealousy part. I’ve been there. But there are also key points that can often be indicators of trouble. Have a conversation. Tell her that you’ve been having these feelings. Chances are, if she’s being honest, she will ease your mind, or at least make things clear for you. My best.

    Liked by 6 people

    1. First time I feel that a real man can be this. Love yourself you loved her with your whole heart now love yourself feel and treat yourself that you are a king. I hope you will find your soulmate.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Sometimes, people in our lives are seasons. Time is the greatest healer, the feelings Will soon fade. I struggle with indecisons to on msny life choices, but I like what you’ve said, in the end, you know you’ll turn out okay. It’s all you need to keep pushing forward.

    Liked by 5 people

  3. One thing I’ve learned in life, whatever experience you add to your life, however pointless or dissolving it may seem at the moment, adds a stepping stone which the purpose and destination of all the stones, is not clear until it is, and then there is only thankfulness for each of those troublesome, mundane, frustrating, soul challenging times.

    Liked by 6 people

  4. I agree. What good is it if I can take trips, visit Niagara Falls, sit on the beach and watch a beautiful sunset if I’m alone? I want to be able to turn to someone and say “Isn’t that great?” I want to share these moments.

    Liked by 4 people

  5. The fact that you have written down your concerns on both fronts already means that you are dealing with these issues. If you stop and take a breath the right solutions will become clear to you.

    What is meant to be will never pass you by.

    And sometimes when people come in to your life it’s not what they do for you but sometimes what you do for them. If you have to let them follow their own path, don’t feel bad as you are helping them- I know it won’t feel great – but knowing you have helped will…then your path will become clearer.
    Hope this helps you a little.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. I’ve studied alot too. I think sometimes people expect you to be ahead of the curve. What I mean is that you don’t have the pleasure of not understanding. I think it was easier when I worked part time in retail when I was at uni. Everyone just accepted you and didn’t have any expectations. It was truly refreshing.
    On relationships. Just remember there is someone out there. Thing is will you recognise them when you are focused on the one not interested?

    Liked by 4 people

  7. I am sure this is something all young people go through but you said you ignore a task when something more complete catches your attention. what I gather from your blog is the bigger issue is lack of focus. somewhere your personal dilemma has spilled over your educational one. This is quite a normal phase. More than moving on you need stay put on your studies. focus on and Get done with it. one task out of your way and I am sure rest of the things will fall in place. you will be more confident and you may find someone who is willing to stay put with you. Good luck!

    Liked by 4 people

  8. OMGosh, I can SO relate! I have to write out a plan for the week (you know, in a calendar) ahead of time, or else I’ll just get mired down in the emotions and undone tasks of things that shouldn’t matter anymore.

    Liked by 3 people

  9. Wow! You are not alone, it’s so much that we all can relate. Especially how brutally honest you are to admit that it is the emotional side that outways everything else. It’s human instinct to be deeply intrigued with how our feelings are affected. It is absolutely difficult to unlearn a person when it takes everything in you to give it a chance and get closer.

    Liked by 4 people

  10. This one was thought provoking… specially the question that you left us with..Moreover it made me worry and yet ponder at the same time about the fact how empty our lives would get if there would be no support system with whom we could share our sorrows and joys with, above all share our life with…

    Liked by 1 person

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