Dating Your Bestfriend

On By TheTravellothonerIn Life
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Over time, we’ve come across all kinds of love and friendships. And with that, comes all kinds of various suggestions and ideas around dating your friend. In fact, a lot of the movies we see have been on this premise.

From Kuch Kuch Hota Hai in Bollywood that revolved in its favor and very famously said, “Pyaar Dosti hai (love is friendship)”, which every second Indian today quotes at some point in their lives, or a comfort watch like “When Harry Met Sally”, to Hollywood movies like “500 Days of Summer”; which suggest that it’s just not meant to be.

When ‘Chandler and Monica’ get together or when ‘Joey and Rachel’ can’t. Maybe it’s the best thing to happen or maybe it’s not, it’s all too subjective. It cannot possibly be just me who’s made this, ‘We’ll get married if we’re single at 40’ kinda promises with my bestfriend, to which I sometimes wonder, why wait until 40 (when your life is almost half gone)?

I’ve come across so many instances where it’s said, dating your best friend isn’t a good idea because that could lead to the beginning of the end of a cherished connection and is not probably worth the risk. That just makes me wonder… Here’s a recent incident that made me think about this for hours!

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Amidst this COVID19 lockdown and us not being able to meet the people we love, with there being no first dates and where every relationship feels like long-distance; I’d simply forgotten about how a lot of things are supposed to make me feel. But it all changed in the span of 60 minutes when I met my bestfriend.

We saw each other after an ETERNITY, which was followed by a much needed (but anxious) hug and a lot of hand sanitizer. That’s when it all came back. That comfort of talking your heart out to your someone, listening to them talk about their life because you care so much; sharing problems, perspectives, and the obvious banter.

It all just feels like routine bestfriend stuff, I know. But that rush came back when I hugged her goodbye. I don’t remember the last time I felt such a pure emotion of nothing but joy and comfort in being in her presence and that just got me to wonder!

I’d want that genuineness and purity, that effortless care about someone I end up with. Just to feel so secure in someone’s arms or the fact that every embrace with that special someone is so wholesome because anything else simply feels like a compromise. When everything with YOUR person is like second nature, it’s your home.

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Relationships require work. They require a lot of effort to make sure 2 people can live under one roof and not drive each other crazy. Find common ground between different interests and choices and make life easier for each other. That’s a lot of hard work.

But emotions? Is it really worth it if I have to put a lot of effort into making myself ‘feel’ a certain way?

Shouldn’t emotions just be undemanding and more importantly, natural?

If it’s the latter, then I have never felt something so innate in my entire existence. And this may sound like an exaggeration, but this right here definitely seemed inevitable, especially having completely forgotten how it felt. Since then, I’ve been a little disoriented about my feelings and a constant state of pondering has been looming over me.

But one thing I’ve concluded for myself is that I could never be with someone where my ‘emotions’ did not flow as naturally. Which further makes me think, I’d probably not be able to feel that with just anyone, but someone I’m close to, probably a bestfriend.

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50 thoughts on “Dating Your Bestfriend”

  1. Excellent post. I respect your opinions about dating a bestfriend. But my experience has been one of the former kinds that you had stated. Everything became so complicated and then it was downfall after that. Sometimes the things we feel might not be the same as the other might feel. Its a happy coincidence if its the other way around. Just like the way you said, emotions shouldn’t be restricted and if that’s a best friend thats comfortable with you and you are with them, I think it’s the best move forward.

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      1. Oh that’s completely fine. It was a lesson. 😇. One way or the other you’ll get through this. If I could suggest, you should talk with the person involved and ask their opinion on it. But don’t let it stay the way it is. It will only make it worse for you or the other person. All the best. Hope everything goes in the right direction. 😇

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    2. I agree with you that when you are with the right person your emotions should be effortless. I was with someone for awhile and kept thinking, this isn’t it. This can’t be ‘it’. I always thought being in love was so much better than this. And everything was so hard. Ultimately, I realized it’s because they are not the right person for me, and with the right one it isn’t supposed to be and it won’t be so hard. I hope that’s true.

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  7. Oh hey, my S/O is my best friend!

    For us, there was definitely a long, arduous period where we were both just trying to figure out what we felt (and how to communicate it, hah). If you’re friends with someone, then there’s a good chance you have a healthy relationship to them, and having a healthy relationship is going to carry you a long, LONG way in life. Make sure the relationship is healthy now. Also make sure your heart is in the right place or what have you, and that you’re taking into consideration the other person’s feelings and situation. Two way streets n’ all that.

    So long as you approach it from an angle that ensures your platonic relationship will be intact, I would say definitely open up communication about a romantic relationship!

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  13. Absolute gem. As we are so excited to grow older and move forward to careers aand such, we forget just how valuable and how much time we put into a good friendship.

    We currently are in a tiff but I’m 30% sure we will marry haha

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  17. You inspired thoughts and two tanka:

    I met
    my husband when I was 40
    32 years
    have flown by
    we have grown younger with age…

    When I meditate
    many feelings surface
    anger love regrets
    I work hard
    to let go…
    Genie Nakano

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  18. I agree with you that when you are with the right person your emotions should be effortless. I was with someone for awhile and kept thinking, this isn’t it. This can’t be ‘it’. I always thought being in love was so much better than this. And everything was so hard. Ultimately, I realized it’s because they are not the right person for me, and with the right one it isn’t supposed to be and it won’t be so hard. I hope that’s true.

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  22. In this awesome scheme of things you actually secure a B- with regard to effort and hard work. Exactly where you actually confused everybody was first in your facts. You know, people say, details make or break the argument.. And it could not be much more true here. Having said that, let me reveal to you what did give good results. The text is certainly rather persuasive which is possibly the reason why I am making an effort in order to opine. I do not make it a regular habit of doing that. Next, while I can see a jumps in reason you make, I am definitely not certain of exactly how you appear to unite your points which produce your conclusion. For now I will yield to your position however wish in the near future you actually connect your facts better.

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  23. Now then first to get the best friend😄. On a serious note though, have thought about this but there is just something missing with the people we are best friends with. There is a reason we settled into a comfortable non-sexual relationship in the first place. Often, we are not attracted to each other in that manner as much as we think we are but admire qualities in each other. But if both can get to a point where they both feel the same attraction then that would be the magic Coldplay sings about. #randomthoughts.

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